apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
