is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
