once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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