I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
