You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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