I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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