I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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