Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
