The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
