before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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