my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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