I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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