sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you had me at cake vodka
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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