I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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