The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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