And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
