Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
