Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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