can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
