My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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