I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
