Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I smell stomach acid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
