Christians are straight up FREAKS
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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