Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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