Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
