That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She announced her abortion via fbk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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