The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
