I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just pynch a tree in the face
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you never un-have a 4some
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
