Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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