she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
