so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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