some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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