I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
