What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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