I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
