You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
