Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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