here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
