He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I did not marry a roomba.
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