fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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