five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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