What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
