I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
