The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
