You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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