you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
