WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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