i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
