I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
