I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
